Zombies don’t write!

After all the horrendous things zombies are accused of, writing shouldn’t be one of them, right? Sure, their constant craving for human flesh can be a huge buzzkill, and when gathering in vast numbers their collective groan is far from a choir of perfection.

But what they lack in basic communication, cleanliness and manners, they make up for by not writing. Why would they even attempt writing when there’s a smorgasbord of tasty human snacks to tuck into?

Setting aside the issue of human flesh addiction for a moment, I think I know why zombies don’t write.

What a pain in the hip!

Um…really? I must be Superman by now!

As a writer I used to spend long periods of time sat down. Years ago I could sit at my PC for hours, all night sometimes, writing away, enjoying the sights and sounds of Imaginationland. But now I can barely stand to be seated (LOL) for more than 2 hours because of the agony burning away in my hip. And sadly it’s getting worse, which for me is a real bitch.

I thought I’d share my story of pain with you, dear blog reader, not for sympathy or anything as selfish as that, but because no matter how much it hurts I’ll always be smiling, cracking a joke or two and pushing on with the day-to-day stuff. And although my personal battle with pain isn’t pleasant I know there are way more people in the world with serious problems.

Even though my hip hates me I try to turn a grimace into a grin and ignore it.

But now the pain has turned into agony.

Newmarket Tesco – Speed Bump Idiocy!

Recently my local Tesco in Newmarket has added a speed bump to its car park. Okay, I admit that’s not the most attention grabbing opening line, but bear with me, dear blog reader, the reason for my rant will come clear soon enough.

Normally my opinion of this car wrecking Health & Safety Induced Hysteria is split between the supportive: “Well at least they slow down moronic boy racers, and in theory save lives,” and sheer anger: “Argh! More speed bumps screwing up my suspension and other stuff in my engine that doesn’t like being tossed around.”

Several years ago someone changed the terminology. Apparently SPEED bump implied going fast, zooming along, building up enough momentum to get over that pesky bump. These days they’re referred to as Traffic CALMING, which I guess is supposed to give our subconscious the message that these hindrances are there to make us happy, at ease, peaceful and full of tranquil intentions.

No. They’re still bumps.

And Tesco don’t seem to understand how annoying they are.